I am a brother
I am a police detective
I am a contract killer
I don’t want to love
I don’t want to feel
I don’t want … EMPATHY.
They say some people are born with decreased activity in the front central lobe causing them a deficiency in empathy. Maybe that’s true about me but whether I was born this way or created in a moment of evil, empathy was something I didn’t possess until her green eyes met mine in the mirror and I couldn’t take her life.
I didn’t want to feel, didn’t want this woman in my life complicating how I lived but she was there at every turn. Sent to haunt me for my sins. Her light so bright she provoked a shadow from everyone she touched. When a job turns bad quickly altering my life forever I’m forced to feel. When nothing is making sense I’m forced to face truths I never would recover from. When life drowns you in its cruelty you don’t know which way the current will drag you or who you’ll become once you re-surface.
I was a daughter
I was a student
I was a victim
Did I have his love?
Did I make him feel?
Did I have his empathy?
When the actions of a soulless killer forces sorrow into my veins I never dreamed the man healing my wounds would be the one to leave the worst scar. His love would scar my soul. Scars are permanent; I will never feel the relief from them. Will I learn to live with them, remember why I have them and learn never to let him close enough to inflict more? Will I eventually cover them… like tattoos coating them with new memories, new love and new starts? I didn’t know these answers because the pain was too suffocating, the only thing I knew was they will always be under the surface lingering. He had scars too, from his sins. There is nothing that can cover them, they were too deep, too ugly, too dark and they marked us both forever.
I was warned that this book was a complete mind f*ck. “It’s fine, I like dark and psychological reads” I replied. And I do. So, I started reading. Admittedly, I did wonder what all the warnings and fuss were about. Yes, it was a bit dark, but not that much. Twelve hours later, I finished totally blown away.
From the beginning of this book, I had a certain amount of sympathy for Blake. He was a normal kid with a rough upbringing, until he walked in to the house and killed for the first time. From that moment on he was. . . yeah. I totally understood why he killed that first time, and in some ways, I understood why he continued to do it.
Ryan… well. Based on his history, there was a certain amount of sympathy paid to him, but after a couple of chapters, the kid seriously began to freak me out. Big time. The games he plays with people felt cruel to me, and I was glad he wasn’t playing them with Melody, especially after she meets Blake. It’s clear that Blake is fighting his attraction to her in much the same way Ryan is fighting his – just the outward persona is different. Where Ryan and Melody (along with Sean) become best friends, Blake acts as if he can’t stand her, and that it’s a chore to be around her.
-could this be because of what he’s done, yet he has to spend time with her because of his job?
Markus – I really didn’t like him. Pushy, impatient, and basically a bit of a dick towards Melody after what she’d been through. I kept waiting for him to work out who Blake was and tell her, but no … that twist was not the twist that happened.
Speaking of twists, I only got one right, and that involved the lovely Sean. The rest… nope, blew me out of the water and kept me guessing right up until the end. And that ending! Gave. Me. Chills.
I really loved the multpile POV. It never got confusing because each character has their own, distinctive voice that I soon learned to recognise. It gave the reader a well rounded look at the story, even if it’s not quite the full story.